Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
By: Richard J. Chapel
I was on the phone with my advertising consultant and trusted
idea man.
"We need a breakthrough, not just an idea, but an entirely
new product,
something that will send us to the head of the pack and keep us
there for
two, maybe three years."
Never one to back away from an opportunity, no matter how far out
of
his line of work, Adman grabbed the ball and ran with it.
"R.C., we can do
this. Why, I've got the white coats working on just the thing.
See ya
tomorrow with a save-the-company product breakthrough!"
Adman arrived the next day with two shiny aluminum cases.
"Here's
the deal R.C. This is big. Very big. It's gonna save the
Company."
I saw the genius in Adman's breakthrough product immediately. Let
me
explain it this way. Our parent company is big in OSB-oriented
strand
board-funky fake plywood made from dismembered wood. Very
profitable because
it's cheaper than real plywood and does the same job. What we
would propose
to do is sell OSP-oriented strand paper. It looked bigger than
fake plywood
and it was a new concept in paper.
Now here's the kicker. The "strand" in OSP is hair.
That's right, strands of
human hair. There's tons of it just lying around barber and
beauty shops
everywhere. "Just think of the possibilities," I
exclaimed to Adman. "We can
make blond OSP, brunette OSP, gray OSP and even redhead OSP"
"It's an
entirely new line," I gushed. "Why, think of the
finishes we can
offer-curly perm, greaser, flat-top, frosted and so on."
Adman nodded
triumphantly. "Mohawk will be furious," he said.
I took this idea to the Marketing Council immediately. Usually a
pit
of contention and hostility, the boys loved it. "Get this
into Product
Development immediately," they cried. "This is top
secret. Not a word about
this to anyone-even top management. Let's show 'em what Sales can
do when we
roll up our sleeves."
We set up Skunk Works immediately. This required fast-track
development so we called in Dr. Paper (not his real name) for a
confidential
pow-wow. "There's no reason this can't be done,"
concluded the good doctor.
"Get me the hair. We'll start making hand sheets. There's
only one thing,
though. This has to be made on paper machine #4 up north. We need
the
soft-nip calendar to make that hair lay down."
While the techies went to work, I urged the Marketing Council to
test the waters-on the Q.T. of course.
In less than two weeks, it was clear we had a winner. This would
not be a
novelty text paper like that stuff they make from hemp or
pulverized money.
No, this would be a true specialty-a packaging specialty-that
would sell in
the hundreds of tons, not the measly skid-lots we usually fool
around with.
Several premium hair products manufacturers signed
confidentiality
agreements and started working with us on redesigning their
packaging with
OSP in mind. Even Hair Club for Men was interested. We had to
sign a few
serious sounding legal agreements, but what the hell. This was
the big
league!
Meanwhile, things were going very well on the product development
front. We set up long-term deals for hair. Hey, this was getting
a whole new
market off the barber shop floor! Dr. Paper liked the prototypes.
Marketing
was working on the swatch book and the promotion plan.
It was nearly time to get out of the lab and on to the
manufacturing
floor. Incredibly, OSP was still secret. Top management knew
there was a new
technical specialty in the works, but this was just one of ten or
twenty
that Product Development was playing with. No, OSP was going to
put us on
the map and we wanted it to be clear that marketing and sales
came up with
this. "We'll make 'em give credit where credit is due,"
we said.
The first machine trial was scheduled barely three months after
OSP was
born. We would make brunette first and go for the long-strand
sheet now
named "Veronica."
The tension was palpable. Everyone on the floor knew something
big
was about to happen. This was no ordinary machine trial. All eyes
were on
the wet end. Human hair was an unusual fiber. We were breaking
new ground.
I can barely relate what happened. It's too emotional. Almost
immediately we could see there was too much hair. Hair
everywhere. Hair
sticking to this and that. The cylinder was covered with the
stuff. The
soft-nip looked like a lint brush. Hair caught on fire when it
hit the
dryers. Ever smelled burning hair? Just awful.
No, OSP did not make it to market. Engineering estimated damage
to
PM#4 at $3-4 million. Legal is trying to get us out of those
damned
agreements. May require big under-the-table payments. I'm looking
for a new
job, along with several other "entrepreneurs."
What can I say? Oh well. Hair today...gone tomorrow. Gee, it
looked
good on paper. Damn.
You can send my Dad comments about his work, his stories,
and even about his son at chapelr@fraserpapers.com